BOATING TIPS -- MAY 1995
Top Ten Ways Boaters Drive Boat Yards Nuts

Well, I sure heard about my column in March about boat yards! These ramblings have come forth from your humble boating enthusiast for nearly four full years, and this is the first time I ever got a real "rise" out of my readers, other than the usual "enjoy your column". I'm reassured: The JIB SHEET does get read!

It's been interesting feedback, and although not a single full-service yard operator called me (but they did call others in their ire) I took some time to call a few of them. In pursuit of the apocryphal "Jib Sheet Fairness Doctrine", and in the David Letterman tradition, I present herewith:

Top Ten Ways Boaters Drive Boat Yards Nuts*

* These are not in any order; they are the top ten of about 100 complaints I've heard from virtually every yard operator:

• Think about your repair plans beginning in September, when your boating activities quiet down for the winter, but don't go to your yard to get the plans executed until April 15 . . . with an "Opening Day" completion target.
• Get a firm work estimate, then change the scope of work after the work begins so that the yard cannot schedule personnel to complete the job in a timely way. Then complain the bill is more than the bid.
• Complain to the yard operator that labor costs so much! Just because it takes a boating family $75,000 per year to support their lifestyle doesn't mean that yard employees should make over $10/hour; that's $20,800 per year for heaven's sake!
• Tell the yard you want "a bare-bones job", then complain because it's bare-bones that you get.
• On the day the work is done, delay paying your bill for at least a month.
• Remember, it's the yard's fault if they find your boat's core is rotten when they open up a section for work. They should have known!
• Place all the day-to-day decisions in the yard's hands, then complain about the way the job was executed, based upon the advice you get from the old geezer on the dock who is an expert on everything.
• Remember, "overhead" charges are bunk! Everyone knows there are no such things as environmental requirements or hazardous wastes.
• Be sure the yard repairs old components like seacocks. After all, they cost a lot in 1948; there's no reason they aren't good for another twenty years.
• Complain about the cost of everything, especially if it costs you more than one percent (1%) of your boat's value for annual maintenance!

How about it, boaters: Did I strike any nerves? And you yard operators: Did I get any of the "top ten" right?

Maybe, at least, these columns will help us all understand one another better.

Have a great summer's boating, and please remember on Opening Day especially to postpone the consumption of alcohol until the boat's back at the dock until tomorrow.

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